It usually surprises people when I tell them that meditation and mindfulness can actually be dangerous. Sure, these practices can be largely beneficial. But there are some groups where we have to work on their Window of Tolerance first before trying them. I’ll explain more about the Window of Tolerance in a moment, but first let me tell you a story.
At the end of 2021, I started experiencing extremely high levels of anxiety. With three to four panic attacks a day, things weren’t normal for me. The frustrating thing was that my usual stress management strategies weren’t working.
In fact, some of them were backfiring.
I remember sitting down to meditate one day. My mind was going a zillion miles a minute thinking #allthethings. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes…and the next thing I knew I was outside with my dog. We were about 20 minutes away from the house, and he was on a leash (thank goodness). I knew where I was, but I had no clue how I got there.
One moment I was sitting on my meditation cushion, next I was walking somewhere 20 minutes from the house.
I had completely dissociated and was unaware of my surroundings while I:
You see, as someone with an injured (traumatized) nervous system, I had downregulated myself outside of my Window of Tolerance. The science nerd inside of me was fascinated, while the human side was scared. This moment, though, clearly showed me that meditation is not necessarily safe as a general strategy for everyone.
The Window of Tolerance was introduced by Dr. Dan Siegel, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and executive director of the Mindsight Institute. Dr. Siegel’s work focuses on how our brains and minds interact, and he has contributed significantly to our understanding of emotional regulation and interpersonal neurobiology.
Dr. Siegel described the Window of Tolerance as the optimal zone of arousal where we can function effectively and manage life’s demands. When we are within this window, our nervous system is regulated, and we feel calm, grounded, and able to handle stress. Stressful things still happen to us, but instead of feeling triggered, we’re able to calmly address what’s happening. Outside of this window, we experience dysregulation, either through hyperarousal (anxiety, panic, irritability) or hypoarousal (numbness, depression, disconnection, and dissociation).
As highly sensitive individuals, our nervous systems are finely tuned, often picking up on subtleties that others might miss. This heightened sensitivity can be both a strength and a challenge. We are more aware of our environment and emotions, which can enhance our empathy and creativity. However, it also means that we can easily become overwhelmed by stimuli that others might find manageable.
When we are within our Window of Tolerance, we can leverage our sensitivity to our benefit and to the benefit of others. However, the pressures of high achievement often push us outside of this window. Deadlines, expectations, and the constant drive to do more can lead to chronic stress and burnout.
Overtime, this can shrink our window so that the smallest change in the status quo can knock us outside of the window and activate our stress response to either fight or flight (hyperarousal) or freeze and fawn (hypoarousal).
This is why it’s so important for highly sensitive high achievers to be aware of their Window of Tolerance. Not just to stay on top of our emotional regulation, but also work to widen this window regularly. It’s really easy for us to close in a little, guarding our emotions and sensitivity. Although this can help with temporary feelings of safety, this can also shrink our window.
For highly sensitive high achievers, our Window of Tolerance can shrink due to several factors:
This is not a complete list of reasons why our Window of Tolerance might shrink. However, it does give you a place to start looking for reasons why your nervous system might be quick to react. Regulating our nervous system is something that both the Creating Calm app can help you do, as well as working through my one-on-one programs as well.
For highly sensitive high achievers, learning to work within our Window of Tolerance is essential for several reasons:
Logically you already know that you need to do some work with regulating your nervous system and Window of Tolerance. But sometimes it seems to backfire when you get started. Slowing down or taking time for yourself not only makes you feel guilty, but also anxious as well.
One of the paradoxes of being a highly sensitive high achiever is that slowing down can make us feel anxious. You’d think that a break would be a relief, but our nervous systems can struggle with the shift. When we are constantly busy, we might be operating in a state of hyperarousal, where our bodies and minds are always “on.” This state, while exhausting, can feel normal or even comfortable because it is familiar.
When we suddenly slow down, our nervous systems can react with anxiety because the change in pace feels threatening. This is why keeping busy can seem to keep us in our own narrow window of tolerance. It’s a coping mechanism, a way to maintain a semblance of regulation, even if it’s not the healthiest long-term strategy.
Understanding and working within our Window of Tolerance is crucial for training our nervous system to regulate itself more effectively. Here are some steps we can take:
I’ve found that scheduling my day around self-care, instead of work, has created a structure that supports my nervous system. This approach feels luxurious and delightful, allowing me to maintain a sense of calm even amidst the demands of high achievement.
The Window of Tolerance is a powerful concept that offers a roadmap for understanding and managing our stress and emotions. For highly sensitive high achievers, it’s a vital tool for navigating our unique challenges. By working within our window, we can enhance our well-being, prevent burnout, and live more balanced, fulfilling lives. Remember, it’s not about doing everything perfectly—it’s about making small, consistent course corrections that support our nervous system and overall health. So, take a deep breath, give yourself permission to slow down, and trust that you are on the right path.
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