I know it’s only February and it seems like it’s really early to start thinking about planning a garden, but the truth is in my corner of Canada our growing season is typically really short – like June through the end of August into the beginning of September kind of short. This means that for a more prolific vegetable garden, we have to start planting and growing things inside in the next couple weeks. My mom actually has already started.
As I’m sitting here contemplating the piles of seeds, pots and potting mix I have waiting for me, I’m feeling a TON of anxiety and I’m totally caught up in so many of the what-ifs.
What if I plant too much and there’s not enough room in our garden for everything? But then also what if I don’t plant enough and our garden doesn’t produce enough food? And by enough, what do I really mean?
I’m trying to do companion planting this year, so how am I supposed to organize everything so that it gets enough sunlight, but not too much sunlight and heat, but also so that it has room to grow, but that there’s no wasted space?
I might be overthinking it. Just maybe.
So, since this is something that I’m going to be working through anyway, I thought I would share the process with you so you see – in real time – how I process my own anxiety and overwhelm that is not OCD related, because that’s a completely different picture which we’ll talk more about next time.
The first step besides identifying that I’m overthinking is to name the fear that I’m most worried about.
As I’ve mentioned before, there are three core fears:
Having written out the three options now, I know for me in this scenario, it’s the fear of the outcome that’s holding me back and causing all these buckets of anxiety.
My next step is to figure out what sabotage style this fear is driving. And for me, at this moment, I think it’s perfectionism.
I want everything to be perfect, to have all companion planting sorted out, to know where everything is going to go, and to know that things like my lettuce and strawberries are not going to get crispy with all the beautiful sun our yard gets.
I want the garden to be just as easy as it was last year: a gentle way to get my day started, sitting surrounded by plants and flowers with a cup of tea watching the bees being happy and then getting up to weed and clean things up before starting my ideal. I have this ideal vision of every morning in the spring, summer and early fall – and I really want it to be perfect just as I remember it from last year.
This might seem confusing because what I said I really wanted was this idyllic morning and a bountiful garden. But I think what I actually really want is to have a bountiful tomato crop, and everything else is going to be just a bonus.
By identifying the tomato plants as my focus (which I literally just did in the moment of writing this out) everything seems so much less overwhelming. Now, instead of trying to make sure that everything in the garden is thriving and set up for its ultimate success, I can just focus on tomatoes.
I don’t know if you can hear it in my voice, but immediately after discovering that primary focus I feel so much lighter.
In my Recover Program and my Optimize Program we talk about the three tier planning system, and it is essentially what I just described. You focus and choose one primary task for the day and then everything else becomes less important.
Not “not” important. But less important.
This more singular pointed focus almost immediately decreases overwhelm because instead of trying to control the outcome of everything and only see success when everything is completed to a successful point – I’m able to step back and look at things from a more objective, calm and non-activated space within my nervous system.
Now I can look at the garden plans with full access to my higher level thinking brain because my stress response is not activated and focused more on survival.
Okay, so now that I have clarity on what I’m really going to be focusing on this year, I know that I can plan everything else around the tomato crop. This simplifies my whole planning process because the tomatoes are the focus and will get the most prime spot in the garden – while everything else will be planted in such a way as to either support the tomatoes, benefit from the tomatoes, or not get in their way.
I’m going to:
Well there you have it. Working through anxiety and overwhelm-paralysis in real time. There are just four steps: 1 – Name the core fear, 2 – Identify the self-sabotage style at play, 3 – Become clear on what I really want, and 4 – Create an action plan.
Not as easy as it sounds if you’re new to the strategy of course, but that’s where having someone who’s been there before to help guide you through this process is invaluable. Time and energy are precious – just sayin’
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Since we were talking about summer in this episode, it made me think of this song that is a regular on my daily pick-me-up playlist. I hope you like it!