For most of my life, anger was a terrifying emotion for me, and I didn’t know how to process anger for healing. I’d always seen it as hurtful, unsafe, and negative. When I thought about anger, all I could picture was pain. The kind of rage that creates distance, damages relationships, and leaves people feeling broken physically and emotionally. So naturally, I did what a lot of people do: I avoided it. I avoided it so well that I barely acknowledged its existence, much less allowed myself to express it.
But then something interesting happened. As I started digging deeper into my healing, anger kept showing up. Not in the explosive, rage-fueled way that I had always feared, but quietly, at the edges of each layer of healing I uncovered. And as much as I wanted to avoid it. I couldn’t deny that my anger was there, waiting to be addressed.
For a long time, I didn’t realize just how much anger I had repressed. It was like an emotional anchor, sitting beneath the surface. And it was holding me in place. Even when I thought I was making progress in other areas of my life. While I was trying to convince myself that everything was fine, that I was okay. The truth was that I was stuck. And my anger was a big part of what was keeping me there.
But here’s the thing: Anger wasn’t the enemy I thought it was. Once I learned How to process anger for healing, anger became a powerful catalyst for change. It showed up in all the places I needed it most, helping me to set boundaries. Stand up for myself, and process the deep-seated pain I hadn’t allowed myself to feel for years. What I once saw as a destructive force became an essential part of my healing. I realized that anger wasn’t “bad” — it was simply a signal that something needed to change.
Now, when I work with clients, I always guide them in expressing their own repressed anger in a way that feels safe to them. We can’t move forward with any kind of true healing if we’re constantly running from or burying emotions like anger. We have to face it, feel it, and process it. Only then can we release it and let go of that emotional anchor that’s keeping us stuck.
I have also learned that there are no “good” or “bad” emotions. We tend to categorize them that way — joy and love as positive, anger and fear as negative. But in reality, emotions are far more nuanced than that. It’s not about whether an emotion is good or bad. I prefer to think about it on a spectrum of whether it’s serving us or sabotaging us.
Once I shifted my perspective from labeling emotions as “good” or “bad” to seeing them on a spectrum of serving versus sabotaging, everything started to change. I no longer felt shame for feeling things like anger or fear. Nor did I get too attached to feeling only joy or excitement. Instead, I started asking myself: “Is this emotion serving me right now, or is it sabotaging me?”
Let me explain what I mean.
When we think of positive emotions, we often assume they’re automatically beneficial. After all, feeling happy, excited, or content seems like a good thing, right? And yes, those emotions are wonderful. But even those emotions can sabotage us if we’re not mindful of how we’re engaging with them.
Take happiness, for example. Happiness is great, but if we start chasing it constantly. Seeking it outside of ourselves in relationships, achievements, or external validation — it becomes an emotional crutch. We might find ourselves in a pattern of sabotaging our well-being because we’re never fully satisfied with the happiness we’ve achieved. We always want more, and we chase it in ways that ultimately leave us feeling empty.
Excitement can also be sabotaging if it leads us to overcommit or take on too much without considering our limits. For highly sensitive high achievers like us, excitement can easily morph into burnout when we don’t temper it with reflection and rest. We think that just because we’re excited about something, it’s worth pursuing full throttle — but sometimes excitement can blind us to the reality of what we can handle, and we end up overwhelmed.
Even contentment — a state of emotional peace — can sabotage us if we use it as an excuse to avoid growth. It can keep us comfortable in a space where we’re no longer being challenged or pursuing the things that align with our purpose.
On the flip side, we tend to view emotions like anger, fear, and sadness as inherently negative. But the truth is, those “bad” emotions can often serve us in profound ways.
For example, fear can be a protective force. It’s our brain’s way of alerting us to potential danger or risk. But instead of trying to push it away, what if we learned to listen to our fear? Instead of letting it hold us back, we could let it inform us about where our boundaries are or where we need to be cautious. Fear, in its serving form, can help us navigate challenging situations with care.
Then there’s anger, the emotion I ran from for so long. Anger can serve us when it shows us where our boundaries have been crossed, where we’ve been hurt, or where we need to stand up for ourselves. When we process anger in a safe and constructive way, it can give us the clarity and energy we need to make important changes in our lives. That’s the part that always surprises people — that anger can actually be one of the most productive emotions, as long as we channel it in a way that serves us rather than letting it explode or fester.
Even sadness can serve us. When we allow ourselves to fully feel our sadness, it creates space for healing. It softens the heart and makes room for empathy, both for ourselves and for others. Sadness often gets a bad reputation because it feels uncomfortable. But when we embrace it, we learn that sadness has the power to help us process grief, loss, or change, and eventually move forward with more peace.
When we shift away from the mindset of good and bad emotions and start seeing them as either serving or sabotaging us, we begin to understand our emotions more clearly. It also gives us the freedom to let go of shame and judgment around our feelings. Instead of running from emotions like anger, fear, or sadness, we can ask ourselves: “What is this emotion trying to show me? How can I use this feeling to help me move forward?”
This is what I help my clients do, especially when it comes to anger. For so many of us, anger is a repressed emotion because we’ve been conditioned to see it as destructive. But anger is often the emotional anchor that’s holding us in place, keeping us stuck. Until we face it and learn to express it safely, we can’t release it. And when we do, we find that anger was never the problem — it was the unprocessed weight of it.
By recognizing that emotions aren’t good or bad, we can begin to see them for what they are: signals, guides, and messengers that can either serve us or sabotage us, depending on how we engage with them. And when we start to embrace that full spectrum, we can navigate our emotional world with more clarity, calm, and compassion.
So next time you feel something, instead of labeling it good or bad, ask yourself: “Is this serving me right now, or is it sabotaging me?” You might be surprised at the answers that come up.
Found this helpful? Share it with someone you know: