I used to believe in balance, particularly when struggling with how to find balance as a highly sensitive person. It was this elusive goal that always seemed just out of reach—a perfect equilibrium between work, rest, social life, self-care, and every other aspect of life. I think for many of us, this idea of balance is drilled into our minds. We’re sold on the idea that if we just manage our time well enough, prioritize properly, and say no when needed, we can have it all running smoothly.
But here’s the thing: it’s a myth.
Balance doesn’t really exist, not in the way we’re taught to think of it especially when considering how to find balance as a highly sensitive person. And chasing it can actually make things worse, leaving us feeling like we’ve failed at something that was never achievable in the first place.
I spent years trying to maintain control over everything—my career, my health, my relationships—thinking if I could just get the right system in place, everything would fall neatly into line. I created morning routines, tracked productivity, set boundaries around my work hours, all with the hope of achieving some kind of inner harmony.
But what I really wanted wasn’t balance—it was control. I wanted the chaos to stop, for life to finally feel predictable and steady. But the reality is that life isn’t predictable or steady, and it rarely goes according to plan.
I think about the times when my chronic illness, myalgic encephalomyelitis, flares up and forces me to stop everything. There is no balance in those moments, no perfect system that can accommodate the unpredictability of a body that doesn’t always cooperate. But, surprisingly, things still work out—not because I’ve achieved balance, but because I’ve learned to adapt and be resourceful in the face of uncertainty.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that it’s not balance that helps us navigate life’s challenges—it’s adaptability. Life is constantly shifting, and we’re constantly being asked to pivot. Whether it’s a flare-up that derails a perfectly planned week or unexpected news that throws off your entire day, the key isn’t to try and force things back into some ideal version of balance, but to ride the waves as they come.
I remember when I decided to let go of my ICU nursing career. That was one of the most unbalanced times of my life. Everything felt like it was teetering on the edge of collapse—my identity, my purpose, my health. But there was no way I could maintain balance in that moment. What got me through wasn’t trying to balance all the pieces of my life, but rather learning to let go of control and adapt to what was happening. I learned to allow things to be messy, to not have a clear plan, and to trust that I could handle the unknown.
There’s a deep freedom in giving up on the idea of balance and embracing adaptability. It’s not easy, and I’ll be the first to admit that it’s not my default setting—I still crave control more often than not. But the more I practice adapting to what life throws my way, the less pressure I feel to have everything perfectly in order.
People often talk about resilience like it’s something to be celebrated, a badge of honor for pushing through hard times. But I don’t see it that way. To me, resilience implies survival—enduring because there’s no other choice. And while surviving is important, what has really made a difference in my life is resourcefulness.
Resourcefulness is about being able to tap into your own creativity and find new ways to navigate challenges. It’s about problem-solving in real time, using whatever tools and energy you have at your disposal. It’s not about bouncing back to how things were before but figuring out how to move forward when things don’t go as planned.
I’ve had to be resourceful in countless situations, especially with my health. During flare-ups, when my usual routines are impossible, I don’t just try and survive—I get creative. Maybe that means adjusting how I work, finding new ways to rest, or rethinking what productivity even looks like on that particular day. It’s not always about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about finding ways to move through it with the resources I have right now.
This mindset has shifted how I approach almost everything. When things fall apart, I don’t focus on trying to maintain balance or pushing through. Instead, I ask myself, What can I do with what I have right now? It’s not about just making it through; it’s about crafting new solutions that work for me in the moment.
Even when life seems relatively calm, balance is always shifting. We’re told that if we find the right routine or formula, we can maintain it. But the truth is, what works today might not work tomorrow. Our needs change. Our priorities shift. What feels like balance one week might feel completely off the next.
For me, this became clear when I tried to create a perfect work schedule for myself. I was excited about structuring my day around specific work blocks and self-care routines. It felt luxurious, like I had finally cracked the code to balancing productivity and rest. But life, as always, had other plans. My health fluctuated, my energy waned, and suddenly that perfect schedule became more of a burden than a solution.
Instead of feeling defeated, I reminded myself that balance is a moving target. Some days, I need more rest. Other days, I’m able to dive into work for longer stretches. The key is flexibility, allowing myself to adapt and adjust based on what I need in the moment rather than sticking rigidly to some idea of balance I’ve imposed on myself.
So, if balance is a myth, what works instead?
For me, it’s about flow. Finding a rhythm that works for me in the moment, being flexible enough to shift when things change, and trusting that I can handle the chaos that life throws my way. Flow is different from balance in that it’s not about maintaining some ideal state of equilibrium, but about moving with the natural ebbs and flows of life.
I’ve found this in my practice of Jnana yoga. There’s a deep sense of peace that comes from accepting what is, rather than fighting against it. It’s not about perfectly balancing the mind and body, but about learning to move with the energy that’s present in each moment. Some days, that means being productive and getting things done. Other days, it means resting and allowing myself to recover. And both are valid.
In my garden, I’ve also seen this play out. There’s no perfect balance in nature. Plants don’t grow in some ideal harmony with each other all the time. Sometimes they compete for resources, and sometimes they thrive together. The seasons shift, and with them, the needs of the garden change. It’s not about balance, but about responding to what’s happening in real time. I’ve embraced this mindset in my life too, accepting that things don’t need to be perfectly balanced to work out.
So, if you’ve been chasing balance and feeling like you’re failing, let me say this: it’s okay. You’re not failing, because balance was never the goal. Life is unpredictable and messy, and that’s not something we can fix with the right schedule or routine.
Instead, focus on building your adaptability. Lean into your resourcefulness. Find your flow and trust that you can navigate whatever comes your way, even if it doesn’t feel perfectly balanced. And remember, just because things aren’t in perfect harmony doesn’t mean they won’t work out.
Balance is a myth. But adaptability and resourcefulness? Those are the real superpowers.
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